Monday, September 12, 2011
One year ago today my entire world got turned upside down with one sentence, "I want a divorce". In the first days and hours after this announcement it seemed like my life was over. What was I going to do with myself and my two small children? How could he do this to us?
It didn't take me long to realize that this was a blessing. Sure it sucked to pack up my entire house and move my kids and I cross country, move in with my parents and try to make a life for us. I had tough times emotionally, still do every now and then. I don't have all the answers for my kids when they are sad about missing their dad or why he isn't with us. More understanding on their part will come with age. They are thriving here, though. We all are.
I thought, briefly, about dating. Then I realized it's not for me. I am so in love with my life right now. I love the dynamic I have with my kids and parents. I love that we live with my parents and they are supportive in my decisions. I am beyond blessed by them and my family and friends, every day.
More than all of that, I am completely thankful that I have a God who loves me for me. He has been the constant in my life and my decisions the past year and I owe everything to Him. Stepping out in faith is much much bigger and harder than it sounds. Do I struggle with letting go of my own life? If you know me personally, you know the answer is a firm YES. But, every time I have just given up everything to God, he has blessed me for it. Knowing that I have His love, understanding and grace is all that I need to know that I am ok. My kids are ok. We're all ok. It may not always seem like it, but it is.
This year has flown by. I did not think it would go so fast or be so fulfilling. I had no idea that I could be a strong, single mom and actually really love it. I didn't really think I could be friends with my ex-husband, but I am. There are much bigger things happening in my life and all around me to be caught up in the past and the wrongs done to me or my kids. I do my very best to live each day for what it is and do the best I can for my kids and myself. And really, what more can you ask for?