Discipline and Trust

The past couple of weeks I have noticed that so many things in my life have brought me to a place of stepping back and trusting God. Some little and some big, but all have proven to me time and again that if you just give it to God, He will take care of it. It's humbling and freeing all at once. I am a worrier by nature. Sometimes I sugar coat it and say I am a thinker, but I am just a plain old worrier. I have gotten much better in recent years, but that is still my go to response in times of trouble or doubt. I want to break that habit. I want to be able to say that I gave it to God before I had time to sabotage my peace. People often say it's good to remember your blessings and all the things that God has done in your life. I think that is good, but I also think it's good to think about all of the goodness he has in store for us. Is it hard to think about that when your car is broken down and you can't pay for it? Yes, it's hard...we are human. But, what you can choose to think about is how God will work that situation for good.

 

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."  Jeremiah 29:11 NLT

That is a true story, by the way. My car broke down, got fixed (super expensive), then broke again...yeah. I sold it. But, I did stress about it a lot. The solution came in the form of my parents who graciously signed over their van to me. They have a truck to drive, I have a van to drive and I was able to sell my Escape to a friend who was able to fix the car up on his own. Now his wife has a good car to drive. That whole scenario is not out the ordinary, people buy and sell cars all the time. What is unique is that this all happened in a matter of 24 hours. I decided to sell it and use the money to repair the two things the van needed to have fixed, so I simply posted a picture on my Facebook page and said I wanted to sell it and what was needing to be fixed. In about two hours, I had it sold and they came to pick it up the next day. It was so fast and so flawless. Thank you, God, for blessing us all!!


Quick side note- I have the most awesome parents ever. My mom loved her van but she wanted to give it to us. And you know what? We love the van! It's got so much space for the kids and I. I am really pleased with it, it fits our lifestyle right now perfectly. These kids are only going to get bigger.




So, the title also says discipline along with trust. The discipline I am referring to is for myself. I have told myself for the past few years that I would start tithing next week and the week after and so on. All the while I felt the conviction of wanting to give but not trusting that my financial needs would be met. It's not a secret that I have a limited income. But, this income and life is what I choose and I make the best of it that I can. Don't get me wrong, my kids and I do not lack for anything. But, I realized I have been holding onto money so tightly because I was so afraid I wouldn't have money to spend on fun stuff. That's hard to put out there publicly. But hey, I don't claim to be perfect and I stumble as much as the next person. But it's true. I pay my bills, we always have food in the house, all of our basic needs are met. But, because I spend so much of my income on paying what is necessary, I get a little crazy with the spending when I have extra. That is truly not how I want to be. I have made so many financial changes in the last few years, out of need, and I want to be able to change this too. My goal this year is to actually have money in a savings account and to tithe weekly as I get paid. I sat down the other night and wrote out the entire month of February's finances and I factored in tithe and savings. I feel pretty good about it! I am determined to stick to my budget and to save for the things I want. Just doing a budget and writing it all out made me feel free. Finances can be so tricky...money can buy everything but it cages you in because it buys everything. I don't want to be owned by money, what it buys, or what it represents. My lifestyle drastically changed when I got divorced, the life I was accustomed to was no longer there and I was learning how to live on 1/4 of the income I had been living on before. I have often said that even though that was a huge change, I am happier now than I ever was before. It's been an eye opening few years, I feel so much richer now. I have such an incredibly great quality of life for my kids and I to share. And that is the very reason I want to tithe...God provides all of this for us. None of this would be possible without Him.


I feel like this post is all over the map. In my head, this all blended together better. Oh well. What you see is what you get. And hopefully you understand where this is all coming from. I have been wanting to sit down and write this post out for a couple days but it seems like every time I turned on my computer, my brain was out to lunch. Now that I have written it out, I can spend the remainder of my evening deciding which book to start (book #9 for the year!) and get a few chapters in before it's lights out!

Routines are good

We started back to school and work today and I'm so happy to be back in our regular routine.  I am definitely the type of person who loves a routine and thrives in it.  I like to know what's going on and where we will be.  It was really good to see all the students and my coworkers today.  And I'm not going to lie,  it was great to be at my desk,  in my office... Just doing my thing.  Ahhh. Feels good to be back in the saddle again. 

The kids both enjoyed their first day back.  They were both really excited to tell their friends about their new toys,  the fun they had and hear all about how their break was.  It was cute to see them so excited to go back. 

This evening Zane started up with basketball again.  He joined a short weekend booster program in November and December and really liked it.  He and I were happy when a few parents organized a twice weekly practice for kids who are interested.  It's fun to watch him out on the court.  He has the potential to be a good player if he keeps up practicing and applies what he is learning.  I'm so proud of him for wanting to try this new sport out! 

Zane with his super cool new basketball t-shirt!

The most fun aspect of today was getting my hair cut!  I've been growing it out for several months but got tired of longer hair.  So today I cut it off!  Short hair is more flattering on me I think.  I also love the ease of it.  I'm really happy with the cut and style.  What a welcome and fun change!

 

Life Verse

On Sunday, our Pastor asked us if we had a life verse. Something we cling to in our walk with God. We were to discuss it at our Care Connection Groups this week. I loved this "assignment". (I actually love all the "homework" we get...I can't help that I am a nerdy, study type) I know my life verse. I actually have a few. But there is one that stands out from all the rest. This is it:

This verse came to me in a study I did a couple years ago. It is special to me because it truly does encompass how I (try to) live my life. It's not always easy to just let go and let God, but it's always so good when you see the fruit of that.

This leads to me to what I am thankful for today. I am always thankful for many things each day, but today I am thankful for my Care Connection Group. I love the people I have gotten to know, the friendships I have made, and I love (love, love!) our discussions. We always have so much fun together no matter what we are doing. It's been a breath of fresh air for me to be part of something that is an encouragement to me in my walk with God as well as a welcome break from everyday life.

Shopping

I forgot to post yesterday so it's catch up time again.
I am thankful for school being back in session today. Zane was so happy to go and see his teacher and friends. He came home with lots to report about his day. :)
I'm also thankful for surprises in shopping. More specifically, surprises in sizes! I went to buy jeans today and had to buy a small size! Yes!! I haven't even trying to lose weight but apparently I did somehow. Awesome. :)
Also, how cute is she? She and Zane both got new sunglasses today. Fancy stuff. :)

Crafts

Today I am thankful for crafts and craft stores. I love getting my creative juices flowing. I have a list that is a mile long that I want to try, but a lot of them aren't kid friendly so my time is limited. I don't usually feel crafty at 8pm after they are in bed and I have had time to wind down some. In addition to this, I am also thankful for finally finding the will to stop when I feel overwhelmed or my heart isn't in it. I no longer feel guilty when I don't finish something...it just wasn't my "thing".

Smarts

I'm so thankful for the opportunity to go to school. I ended my fall term with an A and a B; a 3.43 GPA. I am happy that my hard work paid off. It's a tricky thing to be a single mom and balance school, kids, kids extra-curricular activities and church. I owe a big thanks to my parents for providing child care each week so I would have some study time during the days instead of doing everything at night when the kids are in bed.
I start winter term in less than a week and I am looking forward to it. I'm just so blessed to have this chance to do something to better myself.

Studying

Studying for school as a 31 year old single mom is so different than it was at 19 and no kids. I know that is totally shocking you right now. But seriously, I have completed my first week of school and can honestly tell you I love it. Even the challenging things.

And let me tell you, the challenging stuff is not what I expected it to be. I was sure my history class would be my downfall but this week my music class has been trying for me. I am holding out hope that the next few weeks will be less confusing.

I'm challenged by the material, confused by it, pretty much exhausted by the end of the day when I get to work on my school stuff, but it's all worth it. When I was stressing about it all this week I asked for prayer and prayed myself. I just wanted peace in my decision and boldness to speak up in class. I asked and I received both. God is so good. I was reminded that going to school is a blessing and God has guided me every step of the way. I'm not worried anymore. I'm going to do my best and practice taking risks.

November

I have so many fun things to look forward to in November. Thanksgiving, a visit with my sister and her family, the kids getting to see their dad, my daughter turning 3 and Breaking Dawn 1 in theaters.

Is it November yet??

Oops

I got a call this afternoon from the school bus garage...the bus driver was waiting for me to go get my son. I totally spaced that every Wednesday is early release (for teacher work time). I felt so awful! We live about a block away from the bus stop but I was so frazzled, I just ran out, got my daughter in the car and drove down to get him. After apologizing numerous times to him and the bus driver we left for home.

In other news....

I'm kinda excited for dessert tonight. I am surprising the kids with homemade ice cream that we get to make...in bags! How cool is that? I am using this recipe that I found on Pinterest. I can't wait to see how it turns out and what the kids think! We are on a bit of a roll in the creativity department here. Yesterday at my daughter's home visit (she attends Head Start) we learned how to make our own play dough. That was a huge hit! The recipe we used was given to us by her teacher and it is:
1-2 cups of flour
1/2 cup salt
1 package Kool-Aid
3 tbsp salad oil
1 cup boiling water

Start with one cup of flour and add to it, once you mix the rest of the ingredients, as needed. It was fun to make it with the kids and see them get so excited about it.


So now you have recipes for ice cream and play dough to try also. :) Aren't you glad I blogged today? ha!

Weight

I did something very freeing this week! I donated all the clothes that were one, two, or three sizes too small for me....you know the ones, we all have them. They sit in your closet just waiting for you to fit into. Well, I got rid of mine this week. So good!!
Earlier this year I did the whole counting calories thing and I lost 11lbs. It was fun-while it lasted. I honestly do not have the motivation to stick with it. And I'm ok with that. I like me how I am. Finally! I also realized this week that I gained back some of those pounds. At first I was a little discouraged but then I realized I don't really care. ha!

My friend put this quote up on Pinterest (have you seen Pinterest? I'm obsessed) this week and I love it!

"Is fat really the worst thing a human being can be? Is fat worse than vindictive, jealous, shallow, vain, boring, evil or cruel? Not to me." J.K. Rowling

Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to continue feeling fabulous in my jeans I got last winter. :)

Moving On

One year ago today my entire world got turned upside down with one sentence, "I want a divorce". In the first days and hours after this announcement it seemed like my life was over. What was I going to do with myself and my two small children? How could he do this to us?

It didn't take me long to realize that this was a blessing. Sure it sucked to pack up my entire house and move my kids and I cross country, move in with my parents and try to make a life for us. I had tough times emotionally, still do every now and then. I don't have all the answers for my kids when they are sad about missing their dad or why he isn't with us. More understanding on their part will come with age. They are thriving here, though. We all are.

I thought, briefly, about dating. Then I realized it's not for me. I am so in love with my life right now. I love the dynamic I have with my kids and parents. I love that we live with my parents and they are supportive in my decisions. I am beyond blessed by them and my family and friends, every day.

More than all of that, I am completely thankful that I have a God who loves me for me. He has been the constant in my life and my decisions the past year and I owe everything to Him. Stepping out in faith is much much bigger and harder than it sounds. Do I struggle with letting go of my own life? If you know me personally, you know the answer is a firm YES. But, every time I have just given up everything to God, he has blessed me for it. Knowing that I have His love, understanding and grace is all that I need to know that I am ok. My kids are ok. We're all ok. It may not always seem like it, but it is.

This year has flown by. I did not think it would go so fast or be so fulfilling. I had no idea that I could be a strong, single mom and actually really love it. I didn't really think I could be friends with my ex-husband, but I am. There are much bigger things happening in my life and all around me to be caught up in the past and the wrongs done to me or my kids. I do my very best to live each day for what it is and do the best I can for my kids and myself. And really, what more can you ask for?

School

I'm a student again after a twelve year break...yep, twelve years. I am excited to start this new chapter in my life. It makes me feel good that I am finally doing something good for me and ultimately good for my kids. Maybe I should have gone back before now. I don't think I would have appreciated this opportunity if I had, though. I think, like everything else, God's timing is perfect for this season in my life.

I am now officially a student working to finishing her Associates Degree in General Studies. Once I finish it, I will be a college graduate. That is something I truly did not think I would ever be. I have 29 credits to go. I am happy to say that 20 year old me was smart and finished all the required classes way back when. Now I have the luxury of choosing all electives to finish off my degree. I am looking forward to a variety of courses to help point me in the right direction for what I want to pursue after I earn my Associates. As of right now, I am clueless other than wanting to do something I enjoy but also something that would benefit my kids and I. I have time to figure it out, thankfully.

My classes start September 26th and I am so looking forward to them. I am taking Music Appreciation and Western Civilization. Both classes stood out to me in the course book so I am looking forward to seeing if they are as interesting as they sound. I opted to do all online classes so I would be free to continue working with both my children's schools as well as stay active in my church programs.

My life is about to become very crazy but I really enjoy that kind of structure. It balances me out I think.